They ordered banana bread which I make with chocolate chips. Check that off. To be especially loving, I also baked cupcakes. Bought cute tiny muffin tins and wee liner cups. Made regular-sized cupcakes too just to be festive. Frosted those puppies with fluffy whipped frosting and tossed Valentine sprinkles over everything, including the cupcakes.
Here's the problem. While I bake I eat. I lick the bowl. I use my dampened finger to pick up spilled sprinkles on the counter. I sample every creation--just to make sure it's tasty, mind you. I can't be feeding the boys treats that aren't tested! What kind of Grandma Jo would do that?
By the time I'm through cooking anything, I have consumed an average daily serving. And I'm a nibbler. I'm not a secretive, closet nibbler. Alone or with an audience--it doesn't matter to me. I like to eat what I cook. I enjoy eating what others cook. I love to eat! Dang it!
A year ago I lost 35 lbs. I worked hard and it took me almost 8 months. I didn't exercise much. Walked a little. Counted calories on sparkpeople.com. Wrote down every morsel that entered my mouth and seldom cheated. I was often hungry, my friends said I wasn't much fun any more, and I had to buy new clothes which we couldn't afford at the time. It had it's rewards and drawbacks, but I dieted the weight away.
Then we moved to AZ. We were working in the yard, painting the house, moving and packing and unpacking. I was so busy it wasn't that hard to keep weight off--at first. Christmas '09 came and went and I gained 5 pounds. Chalked it up to the holidays, but I believed I would lose that new-found fat. Then Rick got a job. He was gone working, which I thanked God for, but it left me with time on my hands and snacks at my finger tips.
The nasty adipose tissue did not leave. I still have the five pounds and I can't seem to rid myself of them. I try to watch what I eat, but I just graze and graze and graze. I start with a few almonds or wheat thins and pretty soon I've consumed one of those Costco five-pound bags.
So why am I telling you? Why would I confess this sickness to bloggers I barely know? I don't know that any better than I do why I eat. I watch "The Biggest Loser." I know that there is a deep-seeded reason for our uncontrolled appetites. I don't know what caused this hole in my psyche. I just know that I seem to fill 'er up with food.
I've always rewarded myself and others I love with food. We eat wildly at holidays, birthdays, Sundays, Super Bowls, any occasion. I love the smell of food. I love the taste of food. What should be fuel for my body is not just fuel for me. It's--it's--well, it's almost EVERYTHING!!
So the grandsons are coming tomorrow, and it's just another reason for me to bake and cook and eat. And then hate myself later because I will have gained more of that 35 pounds back. Then I'll be ticked off and grumpy and nearly suicidal. Give me strength...!!
5 comments:
Sigh. I prefer not to think about weight. Well, okay, that's a lie. But I prefer not to admit to people that it's one of the biggest things I think about.
You are a nice grandma.
I hate gaining weight so much, but that's not enough to stop me from eating things I know I shouldn't. Because I know I'll be gaining weight, though, I can't enjoy those things as I should. I just feel miserable.
I bet the twins will love all the goodies Grandma Jo made for them.
I LOVE food. I eat too much. As I sit here I am trying to digest the McDonalds meal I ate before I go work out with friends. It is counterproductive.
Although you found 5 of those lost 35 pounds, the other 30 are still no where to be soon, so congratulations.
Weight sucks! I am trying to get eating healthier and have the same problem as you- grazing. Darn those sweets and carbs. Oh well, enjoy eating treats with your grandsons. You've earned it!
I eat way more than I should, especially the sweets!
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