Crazies

A blogger friend of mine is having health issues with her baby girl and is worried to the point of hysteria, as I feel is pretty normal when it comes to caring for our little children. She was concerned that she sounded crazy.

I blog constantly about my problems and refer in a kidding way about my psychosis. But in reality, I think I am kind of mentally unhinged at times. I tried reading a book about healing the axious heart or some nonsense. I'm telling you, for those of  us who are worriers and, as I call it, emotionally fragile, just knowing the right way to act and actually acting that way are two different things.

Do you honestly think I don't know that we should be calm, put our faith in a higher power, not think negative thoughts, and learn to pause before flying off the handle? I'm not an idiot.  I just can't do what I know is healthy.  I slide a bit off balance sometimes when I am faced with horrendous obstacles or problems.

Give me a health issue, a major money issue, a safety issue, a costly motor vehicle ticket, or anything dealing with taxes and I go into orbit instantly. My body gets cold and tingly, there is a ringing in my ears, I start to shake and I feel as if I will throw up (but never do.) I am, for varying lengths of time depending on the emergency, stark raving mad. Crazy!

My husband, who is hyper and usually kind of crazy in normal times, becomes perfectly sane and calm during emergencies or seriously stressful situations. He can think logically and act instantly and appropriately to fix the problem. Lucky for me! Because there I go orbiting around him in a whirling frenzy.

What I'm trying to say is (and not very effectively I might add) that I think it's some what normal to be crazy sometimes. I do not know how people go through tragedies and serious trials and maintain a calm, zennish demeanor. It just isn't possible for some of us.

So if you're one of the sensible, calm people that can rein in your craziness and think logically during tragedy, good for you. But if, like me, you rocket off into nutso land when ever any thing is stressful. Join the club. I've tried medication and it didn't work. Maybe I need meditation. Whatever. All I know is that no book or talk from the more even keeled in the world seems to do much good for me when I'm stressed out of my mind crazy. I just need to work it out in my own way and time and often that involves just going bat-crap crazy. Is that so wrong?  (If it is, please don't tell me...)