Arizona Mammonazi

First of all, a disclaimer--not my breast. I just wanted a little visual aid here. Went for the mammo today. The good news is they don't think there's anything to worry about. All I'll need is a follow up in six months. The tech told the doctor who read the films that I would have a stroke if she didn't give me some news. (Me? Worried? What WAS she talking about?  I'll have you know, I was being quite stoic.)
Here's why I might have seemed a little stressed. These Arizonans and I just don't move in sync.
I arrived at 6:50 a.m. Was to be there at 7 for paperwork. I'm always early!  They called me in at 7:15. Not a bad wait.
Before I could get undressed, this woman brings my file and says, "We don't have your films."
"The doctor sent you a CD," I replied.
"Oh, yeah. Well, I hate Cd's. Hate them. Our program wouldn't open it so we sent for films on 5/28 and haven't received them yet, I guess."
"Why didn't they tell me that when they called to remind me of appointment  yesterday?" I questioned.
 "Oh, that's all just a courtesy call. They don't know anything about the actual case. I'll look a couple of places for the film. Wait here. Don't get undressed. We can't do anything without the films."
"Can't you just take the mammo and then compare them when you get the film? I murmured between clenched teeth.
"Oh, no! Just because you tell me which breast it was in question and the area, I can't do anything without the film." (Remember, my doctor sent orders of what needed to be done two weeks ago when he sent the CD.)
So off Mammonazi floats to find the phantom film. Eventually, she emerges from some back room with a tattered manila envelope singing, "The gods are with us I have it. The nurses just didn't give it to me. Undress and lets get going."
When I got in the room she says, "I can't type your doctor's name in the computer. Only ONE person can type that in and they're not here right now."
"So why didn't they do that before?" I hissed, "You had the doctor's information two weeks ago with the orders."
"Oh, no. We just got orders and he didn't specify which office on the letterhead was his actual address, etc." She calls the front and then decides she can go ahead until the official person arrives later.
"Grrrr!"
"And this n/a for when was your last period. We can't accept that."
"I wrote on there in another place  that I'd had a hysterectomy 12 years ago."
"OK we'll write that in here. We can't use n/a."
"Grrrrr!"
Then the witchy woman says, "Why didn't you have this second mammo in Idaho?"
"I don't live in Idaho. I had the first one there while I was visiting. But I came home and won't be going back for months."
"Oh! OK!"
"Grrrrr!"
She squishes and twists and squeezes and then says that she'll send the film to the doctor but I won't know for 7 to 10 days.
"Grrrrrrr!"
She slides off and sits me on a chair, in the breezy gown with People magazines from 2008.
That's when she comes back, says she told the doctor I'd have a stroke if she didn't give me some news, and tells me that it looks good and we don't need the ultrasound, etc.
"Grrrrrr! Thank you!" I mumble as I race to get dressed and get OUT of that place. Grrrrrrr!